A Public Service Announcement

They are everywhere. I have been fighting them for years, starting four years back when I first realized the dangers of these fiends. Perhaps that makes me an expert, perhaps not, but every day, before I rise, my resolute chant is always the same: they must not get me. I have tried to warn the world of their dangers, on how to avoid their sweet lure, but few believe and even fewer practice vigilance. But I will continue to fight for my sake, and for others. Please, I implore, be vigilant and do not allow them to fool you. I share with you a few of my close encounters so that you might learn, and judge for yourself the dangers these beasts present.

I. Parco Savello
I scour my surroundings, in a new city, with new scents and sounds that mask their characteristic songs and clicks. There, one hidden behind the tangled green leaves of the orange tree, whose fruits were shed many months ago. And there, one above the ledge, gazing out at the smoky Roman air that blurs the Altar of the Nation. I duck, I weave, I crunch over grey rockbeds, to throw them off my scent. Duck, weave, repeat. For now, I have succeeded, but the danger is eminent. Today, a good day: my maneuvers have allowed me to escape them unscathed.

II. Ara Pacis Augustae
I stand by the alien encased in a blood-red box, relaxed, distracted by the musical splashing of the fountain, a sweet G Major tune almost ruining all. From my left, the first one attacks in a flash! But years of practice pay off as I veer left, dodging the first, only to find a second waiting for me! I duck again, but too slow this time! I analyze the damage: only a graze, as far as I can tell, but the full effect will take a few days to reveal itself. They have become wily, working in collusion to outsmart and outmaneuver me. For now, I am annoyed, frustrated, how did I not see this coming? This new strategy changes everything, my cloaking strategy needs three steps, duck, weave, duck, repeat. Today’s mishap opens my eyes to their new strategies, and I too must develop new avenues of evasion.

III. Vatican
En route to the St. Peter’s basilica and square, Lisa decides on a detour. Gather around, stand there, she asks. I analyze the surroundings, damn, this is the worst situation. We are in open ground—far ahead is the foreboding grey of the Vatican, and in the distance behind us is the brick layered cake of Castel Sant’Angelo. The closest buildings are a distant hundred meter sprint away, two nondescript grey blocks that flank Via della Conciliazione. My senses sharpen, visual acuity improves, as I scan the surroundings despite the flashes of glare that twinkle on and off, on and off. I persist, keeping my eyes open at all costs, ignoring the prickling sweat, the dance of motorists and pedestrians, the exhaust particles tickling my throat, all threatening to break my concentration. A new situation calls for quick thinking; I use the only resource available—I disappear behind the creamy mocha of Matt(hew)’s shirt. A second later, I scan again, duck, weave, duck, mocha. But my success is questionable, did it get me?

They must not get me. They come in all shapes and colors, but always with a single eye, and occasionally emitting a blinding white light. If you see one, duck, weave, duck, no matter how strong the lure.

cw #6